Divorce Philosophy via the Talking Heads
Most people go through life being a passive participant of life instead of being a driving force in their story. The day-to-day routine of things keeps us busy and we don’t stop to think about if we are happy enjoying our everyday moments. This is not the case if you have separated from someone with whom you share children!!! There’s no way NOT to be aware of every aspect of your existence during this life-altering experience.
When you’re confronted with evaluating the choices that you’ve made, it can be overwhelming. Maybe you see your past life and the time you spent with your partner very differently now than how you saw it when you were living it day-to-day.
Maybe you can still hold on and remember the good times but you recognize how much things have changed since you and your Ex first met. Perhaps you have highlighted the good times and wish the past was continuing into your future.
Do you ever wonder where did all of the time go?
You’ve been presented with a unique opportunity.
You are going through the most challenging, emotionally difficult event of your life. You have the strength to get through this – you can make ANY change! And now’s the time! This is one of the few opportunities you’ll have when life is in chaos and you can decide how you want it to be. Who do you want to be and what do you want your life to look? You can figure out what really makes you happy, what makes you sad, who you are independent of your partner and what is the most fulfilling aspect of your life. Evaluate your strengths, your interests, and what kind of parent you want to be.
Sometimes being in a committed relationship means that personal goals may take a back seat and individual dreams may get lost in compromise. Of course you are still constrained by doing what is right for your children but otherwise the world is open. During the times when you are frustrated and upset, that is the time to distract yourself by fantasizing about your perfect life. It puts you in a more positive frame of mind and during these times you can let yourself explore who you are and what you want. Let these big ideas start percolating in the back of your mind. As soon as you can start imagining how your life will be better, you’ll be able to start taking steps forward.
And things will be better, no matter how you feel at this moment. Even though this seems like a dark time, the universe has presented you with a unique opportunity to make sure you are living a life that makes you happy in the moment and in the future. It takes A LOT of work, and of course some time, but spending energy and effort on this task will be much better than focusing on everything that may have gone wrong.
Same As It Ever Was, Same As It Ever Was . . . Once In A Lifetime
You can’t change the past but you can learn lessons from it to make your future a better one. Give yourself time and space to grieve and then realize that you can be happy in your new life, no matter what your definition of a life well lived is. It’s not always great for things to be the same as they ever were – you’ve been given a ‘once in a lifetime’ chance to figure out happiness.
- Embrace this opportunity to evaluate what’s best for you and your kids.
- Use this period of chaos to develop new routines that are better than before.
- Re-prioritize your relationship with your children and reshape your family life for the better!