When you encounter monumental change in your life, you are likely experiencing a true turning point. Turning points might happen when you feel stuck and unfulfilled, maybe things weren’t what you thought they were going to be and you couldn’t see a way to grow without a big change.
Sometimes your life turning point is out of your hands. Other people make the decision for you and you end up feeling blindsided. You were on a path, moving toward what you thought you wanted and then things changed. Whether by fate or by choice, when you discover that the direction you were going in is no longer a strong direction for you to take, life will be out of balance. You are left in a state of transition but this leaves you open and makes you flexible, and then you can find a better direction.
By creating a story about how you want your life to be and actively deciding your new path, you will become a hero in your story and your life.
“Challenges are what makes life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.”
-Joshua J. Marine
Every Good Story Starts with a Crisis
When we start a book, we see a little bit of who our main character is but the story doesn’t really begin until there is a crisis that sends our hero on a new journey. The goal is for the hero to make sense of their life and to bring it back into order. The hero is going to face obstacles on the way to their goal. They are going to learn that through embracing this huge life change and turning point and by facing their obstacles, they will grow as a person and find a better outcome than the one where they were originally headed.
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.”
-Frank A. Clark
Usually, a story starts with the hero being driven toward a goal for their own ego-related motivations. By hitting hurdles, the character is able to discover that what they thought was important wasn’t really compatible with who they wanted to be. The hero begins to realize that there is something out of sync between their what they want and how they are living life. This is when personal growth happens. Once the hero recognizes their ‘better life’ and starts taking action based on who they are, then they can accomplish their goal! You can do the same thing! You can be the ‘real you! the ‘best’ you!
Write Your First Story for Your Kids – They Are Heroes Too!
With all of the stress that is going on with finances, your children, possibly your living situation, the emotional turmoil that has happened with separation and divorce – it’s not always easy to see things in the most positive light: your new ‘happily ever after’ doesn’t necessarily appear. It’s a real Catch-22: if you can envision a better path forward, your stress and sadness will decline, but you might have too much stress and sadness to be able to create a vision of a better life. So what do you do?
Start with your kids! Start with their bedtime stories that you read now or did in the past. Begin to tell that kind of story about them – how they were faced with the challenge of their parents separating and how they overcame obstacles so they could have a happy childhood and adult life. What does their perfect post-divorce life look like? What kind of happy pictures would you draw for them? What kind of new adventures will you write for your children that encompasses their new life? How do you view your children when this story starts and how will you view them when the story ends?
“All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”
-Walt Disney
Now do the same for you! Evaluate what made you unhappy AND happy in your life when you and your Ex were together. Be honest with your story. Spend some time daydreaming – if all of your wishes were granted tomorrow what would your dream life look like? What would you like to repeat from times before and what do you want to make sure you avoid in the future? Be creative!
The Best Endings Are Ones with New Beginnings
Every great story leaves the reader wanting to know ‘what happens next?’. The best endings leave us wanting a squeal, a ‘second act’. Once you have created the your new journey – it doesn’t ever have to end but it does require you to dream.
“Follow Your Dreams – They Know The Way.”
Don’t limit yourself by what’s immediately attainable or realistic – you don’t want to spend all of your time with your head in the clouds but sometimes it takes a little bit of fantasy to be creative, then decide what’s realistic for making those dreams come true. But first – you have to have dreams.
If you can figure out what you value and who you are as a person, and then make choices in your life that reflect your inner self – when you achieve your new goal you will feel fulfilled! By redirecting how you set your new goal and how you view your past achievements, you can create a more perfect life. This is part of your journey. It is what makes your story compelling. Your growth is what makes us root for you as the hero to accomplish your goal.
“A hero is an ordinary person who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”
-Christopher Reeve
Not everyone gets the opportunity to fully evaluate their life and act upon it but when you go through a major separation, that’s exactly the position you are in. By embracing the change, you are triggering the start of your new direction and a more fulfilling existence.
Check out Jen Grisanti’s book ‘Change Your Story, Change Your Life‘ for more detailed inspiration on how to discover the new you and live the life you were meant to live.
